


I’ll Be Here Until You’re Okay

by ColoredLion



Category: Sander Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Can Logan be my therapist?, Fluff, Gen, Hugs, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Logan is a good bro, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Self-Hatred, Virgil was Paranoia, plantoic or romantic Anaglocial, soft as heck, spoilers for intrusive thoughts, your pick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19383415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColoredLion/pseuds/ColoredLion
Summary: Virgil tells Thomas he’s a Dark Side, and continues to have a panic attackLuckily Logan’s there to be everyone’s therapistOrVirgil’s face when he sunk out broke me and his face when Logan was talking about getting help and me dead, so why not combine the two??They’re probably both out of character, but I wanted this to be s o f t





	I’ll Be Here Until You’re Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Title is based off of Cavetown’s, “Talk To Me” song :)

“Because I was one of them,” Virgil confessed, and all the roaring in his ears suddenly stopped, leaving nothing but an eerie silence.

And, oh god, Thomas looked so betrayed, the utter disbelief and fear in his eyes. Why had Virgil said that? He was going to hate him. Then he was would back to where he was before. Alone, alone, alone. 

Those thoughts had his eyes burning, and heart clenching so painfully that he didn’t think anything could ever possibly hurt this much. And all he could do was stare at Thomas, until he couldn’t stare at that betrayed face anymore. He didn’t even say anything as he left. He didn’t think he could if he tried because there was a rock lodged in his throat, and if he spoke it would just choke him.

Right as he made it to his room, he let out a full body shudder, slowly sinking down to the floor as sobs overtook his frame. Virgil hates himself. He hates himself so much for who he was. He hates himself for not being able to protect Thomas. Why couldn’t he just protect Thomas? And now he would never trust Virgil again, because he was a Dark Side. The worst possible monster to ever be created.

The tears couldn’t seem to stop, and he consistently wiped at his face till it was hot and red, only for more to come pouring down. And now his whole face was a mess of tear tracks and black eyeshadow. And his hands were now black, and everything was going dark because he couldn’t breathe. He was sinking into an ocean of darkness, and tendrils of shadows already wrapped themselves around his arms and legs and throat, and they squeezed. And he couldn’t call for help, because he was drowning and choking on the black water.

And Virgil let himself sink, because he was so tired of his frantic attempts at escape. And maybe, if he let go, it would be easier. The darkness became all consuming until it was all he could see. The roaring in his ears became so loud, and he didn’t know when it would end. But it had to end.

And suddenly everything was silent.

When he came too, his whole body was aching, and still shaking from the whole break down. Virgil cracked his eyes open, and they felt puffy, fuzzy and itchy from his never ending tears which had dried, leaving salty tracks in their wake. His head pounded from his emotional exhaustion and probably from his lack of oxygen when he had passed out for who knows how long.

Virgil groaned, this was getting bad. He was just being... paranoid. As much as he hated to say it, even think it, the statement was true. It seemed that he could never stop what he had been, no matter how much he wanted to change. No matter how much he wanted to tear off his skin and remake himself into someone better, someone people loved.

He really needed to talk to someone about this. Right when Logan had started to say it, he knew it was true. This self-hatred and these constant dark thoughts were hurting him, and would end up hurting Thomas. 

Virgil could talk to Roman, but he didn’t feel comfortable spilling all of his deepest secrets and fears on him. And Roman might not even know what to do, leaving them in an awkward situation of too many emotions and questions, and not enough answers.

Patton seemed to be an obvious choice. He was so caring and Virgil knew that he would love him no matter what he would say. But, sometimes Patton would lie just to make him feel better. He would never be truthful because the truth hurts.

And that left Logan. And despite Logan’s emotional constipation, he seemed like the most helpful out of all of the sides. Virgil knew that he wouldn’t hold back from the truth, but he would also always try to make him feel better. And, most of all, he would listen to every word he would have to say.

But, Virgil didn’t want to bother him.

But he had to talk to someone, he knew he did. If he didn’t, things could get so much worse. Repression, is anything but good.

It shouldn’t be this hard to decide. Logan already knew about his past, and Virgil knew that he wouldn’t judge him. But just the thought of telling someone everything made his stomach roll with uneasiness.

But Virgil knew he had to do this. He just had to take it step by step, starting with standing up and taking some deep breaths.

So, he stumbled up to his feet, blinking back dark spots as his head swam at the sudden movement. He let out a groan as his head pounded, as if a spear had been driven into his skull. Virgil closed his eyes and took some deep breaths, attempting to settle the pain.

Okay, so far so good. Now he just had to go over to Logan’s room, and knock.

Virgil passed his mirror on the way out, and opted to ignore it. He knew that he probably looked like crap, no need denying it, and no need to look at it. His face was probably blotchy and smeared with black makeup, hair probably all tangled and ruffled, whole appearance worn out.

Virgil made haste to get to Logan’s door, not wanting to pass anyone else and explain himself to them. Luckily, the halls were empty. He assumed that everyone was in their rooms, resting after the whole Remus fiasco.

He found himself pausing as he reached Logan’s plain grey door. Hand hesitating just above the painted wood. He took a deep breath, shaking his body out to get rid of any extra nerves. He took his fisted hand and knocked.

It only took a few seconds before the door was swinging open, revealing Logan’s neutral face. Virgil felt his breath stop in his throat as his mind screamed at him to turn away. And now his eyes were burning with fresh tears, and why did he do this to himself?

“What are yo—Virgil are you okay?” Logan asked, concern flashing in his eyes as he took in Virgil’s worn appearance. 

“Y-you said I should talk with someone,” Virgil stuttered out, face burning.

“Of course,” Logan breathed out softly. “What happened?”

“I-I told Thomas,” Virgil choked out, cursing the tears that pricked at his eyes and the one that managed to escape.

He didn’t know what he expected, but he definitely didn’t think Logan’s first response would be touch. His hand softly held the left side of Virgil’s face, warm and gentle, yet firm and grounding. And he would usually complain and move away, but he never realized how much he needed it until now. He didn’t even register leaning into the touch, practically melting, didn’t realize how he let out a broken whimper the moment Logan’s thumb swept over his cheekbone, wiping away a stray tear.

It was so simple, yet it meant so much. It brought safety and warmth, and he wanted to just stay like this because he knew that nothing bad would happen. The way Logan softly brushed back his bangs with his other hand made him feel so loved that his heart ached for more.

“Over here,” Logan spoke softly once his tears had mostly subsided, bringing his hand down to Virgil’s shoulder and guiding him into the room, setting him down on the edge of his bed. The bed creaked and sank as Logan sat down next to him. “So?”

“I-i freaked out,” Virgil spilled out, looking pained. “When I told Thomas who I was, he looked so scared of me and in that moment I was scared of myself. When I was Paranoia I hated it so badly, and I knew how unhealthy I was for Thomas. And I just kept thinking that what if I never changed. What if I’m still... evil? Remus was right when he said I could never stop being the bad guy.”

“Do you want to be evil?” Logan asked, staring so intensely at Virgil that he had to look away.

“No,” He mumbled, wringing his hands out. “But I’m still Anxiety. I’m still paranoid about everything, and hurting Thomas.”

“It’s not your fault that you were scared of Remus’ thoughts. They were, dark and toxic,” Logan frowned. “I never meant to make you feel like you were hurting Thomas. You are vital to him, he needs you to function.”

“I’m just so disappointed in myself that I wasn’t able to protect him,” Virgil whispered, staring blankly at his clasped hands that sat in his lap. 

“It’s not your job to protect him,” Logan took his hands in his own, squeezing them gently. “It’s all of ours, and we’re doing what we are needed to.”

Virgil nodded, then swallowed and frowned.

“Why do I still feel so bad though?” He asked, half to himself. 

“It always takes time to heal form these sort of metaphorical wounds. You had a terrible past with Remus and the others,” Logan explained in a careful voice. “So of course you would feel responsible for them, but you have to understand that you aren’t. And that you always have us to help you.”

Virgil was silent for a minute, and he was glad that Logan didn’t seem to mind. His mind was having a war with itself. He wanted to tell Logan every single fear he had, and every single bad thought he’s had. But he didn’t want everyone to know.

“I hate myself,” Virgil confessed, and it was oddly easy to say once he started. “I hate myself so much for who I was, and for who I am. I just-I just want to tear off my skin and scream.”

He felt strong arms wrap around him and pull him to Logan’s side. It felt oddly comforting. Like he was being shielded from the darkness that kept trying to invade his mind. 

“You are important. Not just to Thomas, but to everyone, to me,” Logan’s voice was filled with such sincerity, Virgil didn’t think it was possible to feel this loved. “I don’t know how I would even function if you left. You are so, so loved, by everyone. And we’ll always be here for you no matter what.”

“Thank you,” Virgil breathed out, wrapping his arms around Logan’s waist tightly and burying his face in his chest, heart practically bursting at the seams.

They stayed in that position for what seemed like forever, and Virgil finally felt his emotional exhaustion creeping up on him. He closed his eyes, slipping farther down Logan’s chest, the most lax he had been in a while. The logical side smiled down at him, maneuvering them against the pillows, so they could be more comfortable. Virgil sighed as Logan combed a hand through his curls, letting himself melt under the touch. 

“Love you, Lo,” Virgil murmured, practically asleep already.

He didn’t notice the hand in his hair pause, or the chest his head was on stuttering. Logan hastily resumed, wrapping his arm around Virgil even tighter than before.

“I love you too,” Logan whispered, closing his eyes as the words drifted into the air, unheard by anyone but himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, S O F T
> 
> I love my two bb’s and I will die for them both


End file.
